Monday, October 26, 2009

Weekend Update: Part 1

We returned from our Respite Retreat late Sunday evening. I have not even begun to fully process my thoughts from the weekend. But one thing I know is that I miss everyone already!

We were joined by 11 other couples. Throughout the first night and following morning, we shared our stories. This was an incredibly emotional time. The stories were all unique but equally horrendous. And while this sounds pretty depressing, I must say that it was a deep, bonding experience.

Everyone was so open this weekend, allowing themselves to be vulnerable and honest. Because we all were familiar with the earth-shattering pain and loss, no question was off-limits, and there was no time or need for shallow conversation.

There was something very comfortable about being with a group of people who really understood. They knew the numbing pain. They remembered the deep groans. They experienced an irreplaceable loss. They were haunted with unanswered questions and sad memories. There was no need to apologize for an awkward moment, or to try to filter my words and thoughts. We could just be real. It was refreshing.

I was sad today. I was sad for myself and missed my Robbie. And I was sad for my new friends. I was sad that some of them were returning to quiet houses. I was sad that they have many hard and difficult days in front of them.

I'm very thankful for this weekend and for the wonderful people we met. Two and a half years ago, I would never have believed that it was possible to be at this place I find myself today. This has only come by submitting to the Lord as my Creator and the Ruler of the universe, and allowing Him to carry me on this road.

I don't like it. I don't understand it. I would not have chosen it. But I will trust Him.

My heart will choose to say, "Lord, Blessed be Your Name!"


Clare said...

what a beautiful post lauren, it sounds like an incredible experience for everyone there. love to you!

Anonymous said...

I want to tell you how proud I am of you, but in my spirit I know that it is humility that I feel. I am humbled that God would take my little girl and do such great things in her heart. God will not waste your pain but will use it to glorify Himself and bless you at the same time. And to beat it all, you will soon be reunited with Robbie for eternity! Blessed be the Name of The Lord! For He is worthy to be praised!

The Morris Family said...

Your right, it has to about Jesus and His "living words" to give us hope. I testify as well that the Scriptures have been my life support, reading and embracing the truths of our great Jesus.

I know your grief and your hope too! Our 3 yr. twin, Joel went to Jesus after a too short battle with neuroblastoma cancer 1/23/07, I guess a little behind your sweet Robbie. I was going to click on "our story" on your blog but it did not go to a different page.

I am so thankful as I read about other mothers on the journey, that they have Jesus and know without a doubt He is their Stay!!


the*4*of*us said...

I came here from Cora's Mommy's blog :)
All 3 of your children are beautiful...I can't imagine the pain that you all feel, but how wonderful that you have found friends who understand.
God Bless!!